We Were Born Sick
by Hirako Fieldwar
Summary: Confessions of an angel of the Lord - Castiel is always there to raise Dean from perdition. Through different iconic moments of their relationship, "We Were Born Sick" is an ode to the love between a hunter and his angel... This text contains Destiel (including an erotic part too / Song : Hozier - Take me to church)


**WE WERE BORN SICK** by Hirako Fieldwar

 _Dean / Castiel_

 _This text is a one-shot. I've decided to write it tonight and now it is done. It is short... But I hope you will love reading it, cause I loved writing it._

 _Thank you._

Father wanted to hide your his when I saw him for the very first time in Heaven.

 _"Do not go. He is only a human being. He will be your cross to carry, he will be your loss. And among the angels, you will be one who fell this hard."_

The eternity of darkness, deep and timeless all around me. I didn't even perceive the claws of monsters against my skin, I did not hear the screams of the other prisoners. Hell is a filthy place where the dismembered bodies of prostitutes and thieves frightened are just piling up, they are all lost and hanged until the end of time and even after.

But I knew it : my path had led me to the depths of this nightmare, then God was not totally opposed to my presence down here.

 _"Save me"_ a woman screamed.

The light of my wings blinded her. She run away, her hands were shaking, she cursed me and her eyes were way too empty. A mad puppet, helpless, like all the souls here, but not like _him_.

The chains around his bruised andpowerful arms. His dirty skin was covered with sweat and his pale forehead showed a sleeping face, I could see how he suffered. Those closed eyes kept still, he had forgotten how to dream. I lifted my fingers to touch his cheeks but I could not. I was afraid to break the perfection the Lord had created. I understood why he loved him and his entire race, more than the sun and and the night - more than water and fire - now I loved him with all my soul. I couldn't take my eyes off the beauty of his nose and his dried mouth. Heaven is the one you imagine yourself. The angels have no halos, clouds do not appear around you - it is exactly what you want to see, mine was peaceful.

From that moment, my new heaven was _him_.

I whispered his name.

I took him by the arm. My hand grabbed him with violence, then, there was a flashing light, a bang - and a wave of such a terrifying celestial glow.

He never remembered about that moment.

My name is Castiel, and I'll tell you the moment I released the soul of Dean Winchester from Hell.

The man was breathing. He did not know it yet, but his real body was in a coffin under a ton of dust and earth. It took him several seconds to realize that the eternal pain was gone. He could feel his body again, touched his fingers ran his hands to his face. It was extremely strange - was it a dream? He was sure it was a dirty trick, yes, a trap to make him believe he was free. They wanted to make him mad. He opened his eyes. The scary lightning that struck the underworld was no more.

He looked around, fine mirrors and sculptures were in this room. The paintings on the walls were impressive, he knew nothing about art. It was a quiet place and it smelled so good. This sounded like a trap, Dean repeated inside his head, then he got out of the sofa made with soft velvet. He touched the material, it looked so damn real. There were two doors, but why should he take one ? No, he would not play this game, he did not want to.

Instead, the door opened. Nobody came out, there was a heavy silence. Dean walked toward the other door but it was gone. Dean slowly joined the door but there was the same room on the other side. The joke was just beginning. He walked in the room, opened the other door. The same phenomenon occured. The same tables, the same sofa, the same smell. He probably preferred the harsh darkness rather than this. But as he passed the door again, someone was there now, on the sofa.

I turned to see him, he was awake at least. I said nothing, I got up.

 _"Who are you?"_ he said.

 _"I am the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition."_

His face remained somewhat misunderstood.

 _"You'll wake up very soon and you will forget what is happening."_

 _"I'm still in Hell?"_

 _"Do you think so?"_

I approached. I watched his face a little more. I could not help myself, God forgive me this obsession of mine.

 _"No."_

 _"So this is not Hell."_

 _"Who are you really?"_

 _"You will not remember. I will tell you later, when we meet again."_

He wanted to hit me, I guess. He abruptly took me by my blue tie, I stopped his arm. Our strengths interposed, we froze.

 _"My name is Castiel."_

He withdrew his hand, I dropped his. He noticed some pain in his arm and shoulder. He wanted to touch it, I told him...

"Don't."

But he did not listen. He looked up at the reflection in the mirror, the mark of my hand was holding him, deep in the flesh. Dean grasped my hand to press it against his warm skin. It was my hand, for sure.

 _"How do you explain that, Castiel?"_

 _"I've already said. I've raised you from perdition."_

He stepped back. I felt a great fear in him. What I feared the most came upon me.

 _"What are you? How could you go through Hell to rescue me? I sold my soul. I can not leave this place, I did ... I did it for my brother."_

 _"I know."_

 _"How?"_

 _"I used to follow you for a long time."_

 _"Why?"_

His voice was powerful.

 _"I am an angel of the Lord, and I'm watching over you, Dean Winchester."_

The days went by, they became months, then years. Dean was a survivor among the men, the only one who made me want to fight my own Father. I said no, I ran, I ran away, I had new enemies, friends, for him. I have never had any regrets. When he returned to his world, I was part of it. This pure soul was all I wanted to contemplate all day, all night. I turned crazy for him, I humiliated God, I forgot my nature. Finally, after I lost myself, I found the way back out of perdition.

 **Then the angel I saw standing on the sea and on the land raised his right hand toward heaven.**

And when Dean became a demon, hope almost left me forever, there was no faith, no joy.

I will tell you about what happened, when he came back.

It was like this time, when we left the kingdom of the dead for the first time. I saw his sweat forehead, those same green eyes, the darkness evaporated. I was sitting on a chair in the bunker of the Winchester brothers, I admired the masterpiece of the Creator of all things. I managed to touch the cheeks, they were warm and soft. My lips brushed against this face I had hit more than once.

 _"Cas?..."_

I withdrew from him.

 _"What were you doing?"_

He knew exactly what I was doing.

 _"You do not sleep?"_

 _"I was waiting."_

 _"Waiting for what?"_

I knew what he waited for. He smiled and I just looked at him.

 _"I hope you did not wait too long for me then."_

 _"It's always long."_

 _"Why?"_

 _"Because I need you."_

His hand took mine, I did not understand why he did that, but he did. His fingers went against my wrist, he turned his head without looking at me. I hold his fingers between mines. Without a sound, I approached my lips for a few kisses. I felt Dean was trying to watch me doing it but he didn't. His jaws briefly clenched and I found my long lost heaven... Again.

 _"I'm hopeless for you, huh?"_

I did not answer.

 _"I am your burden."_

My wings moved a bit in my back. We all have them, we, _the angels_ and we are the only ones who can see them. Mines are black. My name means shield of God, maybe they explained it wrong.

When Dean turned his head towards me, I was gone. He hated when I did it, I never had fun doing it anyway. He heaved a deep sigh, Sam entered. He took care of his brother as always.

 _As for me, I must confess, my God._

 _I am consumed with love, destroyed by hope, rebuilt by desire._

 _I beg you, allow me to protect him again, when all the things will vanish and dry. Let me care him far away from danger and nothingness._

I entered the church. I saw it was empty. All the crosses are aligned, the red path leads to the beautiful altar. My hands are joined, my eyes passes through the colored glass. It's cold, my trench touches the ground. But as I want to fly away from this place, I feel a touch against my neck - I recognize him. The hand goes against my hair, gently caressing me. Softer than feathers, unforgettable and terrifying. His whispers in my ear is my everything.

 _"Since when are you going to church, man?"_

 _"I can ask you the same question."_ I say.

Dean sits next to me.

 _"You still do not believe in God."_

 _"I have still not seen him."_

 _"You did not have understand the meaning of faith."_

 _"There's a hundread things you don't understand, Cas. I'm not a jerk."_

I put my hand on his thigh, he raises his eyebrows.

 _"That is the meaning of faith, is it?"_ he asks me.

 _"Faith does not exist, it takes the shape you want. My faith was peaceful before."_

I am unable to say more. We kiss. The church is silent. His tongue takes mine, I feel the exquisite warmth of his body. His soul joins my grace, it may be an abomination. For me, it is a benediction.

He touches my tie. I stop, we look at each other. We are probably closer as well. We are addicted, the desire is always hard concerning Dean, it never stops. Our breaths melt between the walls of the house of God.

 _"Your faith was peaceful before."_ he repeats, biting my lower lip.

I reply with a kiss. He is the one who taught me what it means. I tell myself, perhaps one day, he will understand what I'm trying to teach him since forever.

 _"No, keep your coat."_ he says.

I do not understand, his tongue is now against my neck. My skin is covered with chills, I'm about to lose myself again.

 _"Dean, why are you doing this?"_

He passes his hand against my pants.

 _"It will make you feel good, trust me."_

His lips against mines, I feel his hot breath. Our breaths are synchronized. I look down at his hand touching my vessel. I notice a difference, like a pressure in my pants. His moves are precise, my eyes are still lost in his, I am overwhelmed. Dean did not lie, it feels very good indeed. A groan escaped my lips.

 _"The only heaven I'll be sent to is when I'm alone with you."_

His hands are still against me, pleasure is there. I run a hand against Dean's body, me too. His face changes, I see how surprised he is and I love it. I'll do the same thing. His lips open, we look at each other, again and again and we see nothing but ourselves.

 _"I was born sick but I love it. Command me to be well, amen."_

I ask him if he feels good. He responds with a wild moan. I understand now it's a bit difficult to keep on touching me now. If it was a game, I would win, that's it?

 _"Take me to church. I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies. I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife, offer me that deathless death, good God, let me give you my life."_

I slide my hands against the skin of his chest, his back arches.

 _"Cas ..."_

My hairs rise up on my arms and elsewhere. The angel I am is falling again, inexorably, towards the end but there is no end. That burning heat is no Hell.

 _"No Masters or Kings when the Ritual begins, there is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin. In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene, only then I am human, only then I am clean..."_


End file.
